Finding a Friend

Kael, along with most kids on the spectrum, has a hard time associating with other kids his age, and finds it hard to make friends.  Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of kids that like Kael, it is just that he has a hard time liking them back.  He seems withdrawn when it comes to play time at school, as he is more interested in playing by himself.  A lot of that may be from the fact that he doesn't like to share his toys, I think most of it comes from not having the communication to let the other kids know how he would like to play.

Other kids his age are able to express themselves through words, how they would like to play with certain toys, where as with Kael, he can not let them know what it is he would like to do, furthermore, he doesn't comprehend what other kids are doing when they play, and can't easily jump in and join them.  If he does, it seems even more difficult for him to understand how the other kids want to play.  They can tell him what they are doing, he just doesn't understand all of their words, so for Kael, it may seem easier to just play alone.

Until recently.

Brady is a kid in class that shows a lot of compassion towards Kael, and has really bonded with Kael like no other classmate has.  Sure, Kael has friends from his Preschool class that were strategically positioned to sit next to Kael in the classroom to provide him with a comfort zone, by surrounding him with familiar people.  And Alex and Yulie do like Kael and have bonded with him before, but not on the level that I witnessed Brady.  For example, Brady was kind enough to cash in his good behavior points to Principal Sitkins for a brand new backpack, which he graciously gave to Kael.  And this was something Brady planned on doing.  He told Mrs. Hasse that he wanted to give a backpack to Kael before he went searching for one in Principal Sitkins' office.

And today, I saw how patient Brady is toward Kael when he let Kael wear a beaded necklace that he brought to class.  Not only did he let Kael wear it, he put it on and fastened it for Kael, who was having trouble doing it by himself.  Kael is not known for his patience, and if something takes long, he is gone.  Also, Kael has never liked having anything around his neck, which was evident the first day of preschool when he ripped off his bus pass away from his neck.  So this is quite a hurdle, as small as it may seem to others, a giant leap for Kael.

Now, for a kid to share one of his valuable possessions says quite a bit, but also to take the time and patience to help him with it on, to me shows that Brady is such a caring and understanding kid.  He also does something for Kael that not every classmate does, he talks to Kael, and repeats himself over and over until Kael understands.  He reaffirms his understanding by asking "O.K.?" until Kael replies "O.K."  I hope that the two of them grow in their friendship, and that Brady continues to nudge Kael out of his shell and helps him progress socially.

Kael pulled the fire alarm again!

I don't know what the urge is inside of Kael that makes him want to do what he knows is wrong, but he pulled the fire alarm again.  I stopped by the school at about 3:30 to drop off a check at my brother's classroom only to find that his wife and kids were there too.  I asked what was wrong.  "Roger was stung by a bee again."

He was stung by two bees earlier this summer and had a dramatic reaction that left him breathless and gasping for air.  He had developed an allergic reaction to the bee stings that almost shut down his respiratory system, and he started to feel the same reaction when he jabbed the EpiPen into his thigh.  That was shocking to hear about, but what was more shocking to find out is that it was indirectly caused by Kael.

After pulling the fire alarm, the students had to rush outside and wait, before getting the "All Clear" to come back in, at which time Roger was unfortunate to get stung by a bee.

How do you punish a kid who may not know the devastating results of his actions?  Well, we started with "time out", for the same 4 minutes as recommended, but this time we added a harsher sentence. After his time out, he had "time away" from all of the things he loves to do.  No t.v., no toys, and no books.  The sad part is that he just got a book from R.I.F. (reading is fundamental) and was excited to read it when he got home.  It was a Scooby Doo picture book, his favorites!  So, without the fun things to do, he did the only thing a bored kid could do, he took a nap.

Only, his nap turned into a slumber, as we tried to wake him for dinner, he rolled over and went back to sleep.  We woke him up, so that he could go to the potty, then he went back to bed.  I think he knew that he could not do the things he loved to do and was too sad to do the things he needs to do like eat.  Well, it may sound cruel and unusual punishment, but if it got the point across, I didn't mind being the bad dad and sending my kid to bed without dinner.

This morning I talked to him again about the severity of pulling the fire alarm, and without provocation, he held his head down and said, "I sorry", and that was enough for me to know that he understood he did wrong.  I still wanted to get my point across and had him apologize to his uncle and his teacher Mrs. Hasse, which he did, and unlike his apologies to get out of time out which is usually a quick "sorry" then off to play, he took the time to say an entire sentence of " I sorry I pulled  fire alarm", and you could hear the remorse in his voice.