Turning 5 - Becoming a big boy

Kael turned 5 on November 8th, which officially makes him a BIG BOY!  

He had lots of family members and his good friend Alex, who shared in this celebration.  I am really excited because now he understands that he is a big boy, and knows it is time to start acting like a big boy.  So, it is his responsibility to get dressed by himself, to get a glass of water by himself, and to clean up by himself.  O.K., truth be told, it has only been two days and I find myself still wanting to help him with some tasks, but I am surprised at how independent he has become simply for having a birthday!

Kael amazes himself by how much he has grown in the last year.  His pants are shorter, he can reach the bathroom sink faucet without the need of a step stool, and he can put on his own shoes without help.  The Genesis Church gave him a pair of Converse shoes, which has laces, and will be the next step in proving that he is a big boy, when he learns how to tie them properly.  His teachers and I have recognized his increase in vocabulary, although he still uses "dah, dah, dah" to fill in the words he doesn't know.  His fine motor skills are improving while coloring at table time in class, and he has more patience to make sure not to color outside of the lines.

I wonder if he is ready to learn about being Autistic.  He already knows that he is special, and different.  In class, he is the only one that doesn't have to sit on the floor during circle time.  Instead, he has a chair with a picture of himself on it, which helps him tremendously to sit calmly and to pay attention during story time.  He also knows that he is the only one in his class that gets to have a special toy bucket that sits on his desk in front of him.  This has helped him overcome his fixation to clasp a small toy in his hand at all times.  Now he knows that it is right in front of him, his classmates won't take it, and it allows him to do other things with his hands like using scissors.

He knows he is different, and that he gets special treatment, but he may not know why and I wonder if now is a good time to tell him.  Is his mind able to comprehend the distinction between what is normal and what is different?  Does he recognize that other kids speak very well and can communicate their thoughts to get what they want?  I am sure of it, because it hurt me to hear him say "I not smart", when he couldn't figure out how to put the Spider Man puzzle together, that Alex gave him for his birthday.
I didn't know what to say, I was so shocked, and just ignored the comment.  But inside of me, my heart sunk, and I wondered, "Is now the time to tell him?"

Halloween

Halloween - A time to be something else for a day

Kael was a Robot this year for Halloween, in a custom made costume that allowed Kael to be something else for a day, and he loved it!  In fact, I had a hard time telling him it was time to take off the costume.  It took me a week to design and build it, and he enjoyed putting it on every time I needed to make an adjustment.  Then came the hard part, asking him to take it off so I could alter it to fit better, or to get the lights working.  

For the entire week before Halloween Kael got to be something other than himself.  He got to play the part of a Robot, and he played it well too, making sounds and moving like a robot would.  He terrorized the cats as he chased them around the house with "beep, boop" noises, while bumping into tables, chairs and people.  I liked seeing how engaged he became with the costume on.  Maybe we should look into trying other costumes on and role playing along with him.  Hmmm...  maybe this could be a new form of therapy for kids on the spectrum, to let their imagination grow by being something else for the day.

Finding a Friend

Kael, along with most kids on the spectrum, has a hard time associating with other kids his age, and finds it hard to make friends.  Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of kids that like Kael, it is just that he has a hard time liking them back.  He seems withdrawn when it comes to play time at school, as he is more interested in playing by himself.  A lot of that may be from the fact that he doesn't like to share his toys, I think most of it comes from not having the communication to let the other kids know how he would like to play.

Other kids his age are able to express themselves through words, how they would like to play with certain toys, where as with Kael, he can not let them know what it is he would like to do, furthermore, he doesn't comprehend what other kids are doing when they play, and can't easily jump in and join them.  If he does, it seems even more difficult for him to understand how the other kids want to play.  They can tell him what they are doing, he just doesn't understand all of their words, so for Kael, it may seem easier to just play alone.

Until recently.

Brady is a kid in class that shows a lot of compassion towards Kael, and has really bonded with Kael like no other classmate has.  Sure, Kael has friends from his Preschool class that were strategically positioned to sit next to Kael in the classroom to provide him with a comfort zone, by surrounding him with familiar people.  And Alex and Yulie do like Kael and have bonded with him before, but not on the level that I witnessed Brady.  For example, Brady was kind enough to cash in his good behavior points to Principal Sitkins for a brand new backpack, which he graciously gave to Kael.  And this was something Brady planned on doing.  He told Mrs. Hasse that he wanted to give a backpack to Kael before he went searching for one in Principal Sitkins' office.

And today, I saw how patient Brady is toward Kael when he let Kael wear a beaded necklace that he brought to class.  Not only did he let Kael wear it, he put it on and fastened it for Kael, who was having trouble doing it by himself.  Kael is not known for his patience, and if something takes long, he is gone.  Also, Kael has never liked having anything around his neck, which was evident the first day of preschool when he ripped off his bus pass away from his neck.  So this is quite a hurdle, as small as it may seem to others, a giant leap for Kael.

Now, for a kid to share one of his valuable possessions says quite a bit, but also to take the time and patience to help him with it on, to me shows that Brady is such a caring and understanding kid.  He also does something for Kael that not every classmate does, he talks to Kael, and repeats himself over and over until Kael understands.  He reaffirms his understanding by asking "O.K.?" until Kael replies "O.K."  I hope that the two of them grow in their friendship, and that Brady continues to nudge Kael out of his shell and helps him progress socially.

Kael pulled the fire alarm again!

I don't know what the urge is inside of Kael that makes him want to do what he knows is wrong, but he pulled the fire alarm again.  I stopped by the school at about 3:30 to drop off a check at my brother's classroom only to find that his wife and kids were there too.  I asked what was wrong.  "Roger was stung by a bee again."

He was stung by two bees earlier this summer and had a dramatic reaction that left him breathless and gasping for air.  He had developed an allergic reaction to the bee stings that almost shut down his respiratory system, and he started to feel the same reaction when he jabbed the EpiPen into his thigh.  That was shocking to hear about, but what was more shocking to find out is that it was indirectly caused by Kael.

After pulling the fire alarm, the students had to rush outside and wait, before getting the "All Clear" to come back in, at which time Roger was unfortunate to get stung by a bee.

How do you punish a kid who may not know the devastating results of his actions?  Well, we started with "time out", for the same 4 minutes as recommended, but this time we added a harsher sentence. After his time out, he had "time away" from all of the things he loves to do.  No t.v., no toys, and no books.  The sad part is that he just got a book from R.I.F. (reading is fundamental) and was excited to read it when he got home.  It was a Scooby Doo picture book, his favorites!  So, without the fun things to do, he did the only thing a bored kid could do, he took a nap.

Only, his nap turned into a slumber, as we tried to wake him for dinner, he rolled over and went back to sleep.  We woke him up, so that he could go to the potty, then he went back to bed.  I think he knew that he could not do the things he loved to do and was too sad to do the things he needs to do like eat.  Well, it may sound cruel and unusual punishment, but if it got the point across, I didn't mind being the bad dad and sending my kid to bed without dinner.

This morning I talked to him again about the severity of pulling the fire alarm, and without provocation, he held his head down and said, "I sorry", and that was enough for me to know that he understood he did wrong.  I still wanted to get my point across and had him apologize to his uncle and his teacher Mrs. Hasse, which he did, and unlike his apologies to get out of time out which is usually a quick "sorry" then off to play, he took the time to say an entire sentence of " I sorry I pulled  fire alarm", and you could hear the remorse in his voice.

First Day of School

Kael had is first day of Kindergarden today in Mrs. Hasse's class.  He had gotten plenty of sleep the night before, but he still woke up somewhat grumpy and discontent.  I made him some french toast with syrup and he felt better.

When he jumped on the bus with Tyla, Erica and I jumped in the car and drove up to the school to watch as he got off.  Mrs. Nancy was their, if only for a brief moment, to welcome him to his new school.  We walked the long way around to the playground and then to his classroom, and showed him the B that marked the door.

He was happy to see Mr. Mitchel waiting for him at his seat, along with the Shark and Tractor he left on his desk during roundup.  We showed him where to hang his book bag, and said our good-byes.  I wanted to stare through the window to make sure he was o.k. but something in side of me knew he would be just fine.

Yesterday Kael went to Kindergarden Roundup at the elementary school.

When we were anticipating the worst, Kael showed us his best.  He wrote his name on his name badge and politely sat in his seat proudly displaying "KAEL" on the paper taped to the top of his desk.

We were pleasantly surprised to see Yulie's name on the desk next to him.  She is one of Kael's best companion last year in Mrs. Nancy's class, and I am comforted to know that she is in his class again.
I know that Nancy and Mrs. Haase had a conversation about Kael before and found it wise to have Yulie sit next to him.

She is his friend.  She cares for Kael, and watches out for him.  I've seen her direct him into line, invite him to sit next to her at circle time, and play with him in the gym.  I hope that they continue to be friends all through school and afterward.  Only time will tell, but for right now it is definitely cute.

Preschool Failures

OK, now that I have described the wonderful things that Kael has accomplished in his Preschool year, let me give you an insight into some of his failures.  They are not real failures at all, however I do have to list them as  opposites to accomplishments.

Erica and I were very nervous putting Kael on the school bus, but we were reassured having Tyla, his older sister guiding him on and off the bus.  And I am sure Tyla didn't realize how much work it would be trying to control Kael.  The reports from Tammi the bus driver indicated that he was running up and down the isle punching the kids along the way.  He eventually was kicked off from the bus at the end of his third day of school.  The problem was not because he wasn't able to sit still, or the fact that he disrupted Tammie by hitting the other kids on the bus.  The final straw was when he spit in a parent's face as she was taking her child from the bus.

It took over a week before the teachers and bus driver devised a plan of action that would eventually allow Kael to return to riding the bus.  The first thing they devised was to issue the first seat to Kael, so that he knew every day which seat was his and the rest of the students understood as well. Then Tammie gave Kael a special toy he would only get if he stayed in his seat.  It was enough to keep him occupied throughout the entire ride to and from school.  Another tool his teachers devised was the use of a picture book which described what will happen on the bus.  It showed a picture of the bus, Tammie, his seat, the school, and his teachers.  This help aid Kael in understanding what would happen next to help reduce his anxiety, which may have led him to be antsy and run through the isle.

The only thing worse than getting kicked off the bus for spitting was the time he pulled the fire alarm at school.  This resulted in the fire department showing up to confirm there was no actual fire.  Although the teachers talked to Kael about the severity of pulling the fire alarm, he did not understand, because he did it again.  Yep, this time wasn't so bad because ironically there was a scheduled fire drill to be held that day.  Only, because it was raining outside the teachers decided not to have the drill.  Of course that is when Kael pulled the alarm.